Part of my arsenal to combat high triglycerides, bad cholesterol, and pre-hypertension is to do more walking everyday. Last night, H and I walked from Starbucks Intramuros to Park n’ Ride at Lawton for our usual trip home. I took my 7pm medicine (amvasc) before we walked so when I got on the bus, I was really huffin’ and puffin’ and a little woozy. I took a seat at the last row (the “six-seater”) and adjusted the two aircon vents and blasted some cold air to cool me down–which it did, and I thought I will travel in medication-induced peace until…
A lesbian couple boarded the bus and decided to sit beside me. The more butch of the two was seated beside me and she was instantly squirming and making cutesy noises to her girlfriend that made me want to puke my guts out. Here’s what transpired:
LESBIAN 1: Babe, ang lamig! Embrace me naman.
LESBIAN 2: (giggles and pokes Lesbian 1) ay ano ba, may jacket ka naman eh.
LESBIAN 1: Eh jacket mo naman to, babe eh. Masikip sa kin. Adjust ko na lang aircon.
(LESBIAN 1 reached out for one of the aircon vents nearer to her and adjusted it away from her. I said to myself, “ok lang, aircon nya naman yun”)
LESBIAN 1 and 2 continued poking each other and fiddling on their iPhone when suddenly LESBIAN 1 threw a small lesbian bitch fit…
LESBIAN 1: Babe, anlamig pa rin eh. (dabog)
LESBIAN 2: Kasi nga mag-jacket ka na. (reaches for jacket and assists LESBIAN 1) Eto tulungan kita isuot.
LESBIAN 1: Ayoko nga sabi…(then…)
(LESBIAN 1 reached for both aircons and turned it away from her…and ME. LESBIAN 1 saw me glaring at her)
LESBIAN 1: (giddily) Malamig eh. Okay lang ba?
ME: (in full medicated sarcasm) Syempre hindi sya okay, di ba? (buong diin) NAI.INITAN. AKO.
LESBIAN 1 and 2 got off the bus. (run, bitches. buy a car like Lindsay Lohan and Sam if you can’t take the cold…or buy your own jacket, LESBIAN 1!)
Moral Lesson: Never mess with a heavily medicated, hypertensive gay man.
Bridget Jones Is A Man 