Today, October 29, 2010, is both a Friday AND the springboard to a long weekend. And as a commuter, you know the translation–lots of people going home to the province AND super mega heavy traffic.
As a veteran commuter, one should treat this type of Friday not just like any other Friday. One approaches it like Operation Desert Storm. In anticipation of the long ride, I eat 4pcs of siomai, drink half a bottle of mineral water, buy a pack of peanuts, take a leak, prepare game console, and have a book ready (your backup in case your game console battery loses its life).
At the bus terminal, waiting for me was a queue that was gradually building up. I waited for a full hour before the bus came. Endured a full hour from Lawton to Quirino. And an hour and a half more from Quirino to Laguna. I was busy playing a rerun of Silent Hill when I sensed that something was wrong. I looked outside the window and concluded that we were stuck in traffic somewhere in between Magallanes and Bicutan.
The commotion: a girl in her early 20’s was arguing with her boyfriend. I swear this is what really happened!!!
GIRL: (in the most annoying airhead, shrill voice) eh kasi naman eh, I really don’t care what they’re going to say… (dabog)
BOY: ang tagal tagal natin kanina nakapila! kanina pa kita sinabihan, ang arte-arte mo!
GIRL: eh kasi naman, kadiri naman yung bathroom sa terminal eh…(makes gulo her hair)
BOY: anu ba, enough na!
GIRL: I don’t care! (she stands up and storms her way down the aisle while her boyfriend is super tunaw na in kahihiyan)
GIRL: (makes inarte to the bus driver and at the top of her lungs, mind you ha) manong, pwedeng bumaba sa nearest na gasoline station???
BUS DRIVER: Naku, miss. Nasa gitna tayo ng SLEX. Hindi ho pwede.
GIRL: eh traffic naman eh. Sige na, manong. Bababa muna ako.
BUS DRIVER: Miss, ano ba kayo??? Hindi pwede noh, baka ma-aksidente pa kayo, kami pa may kasalanan.
GIRL: Hindi, manong. Pls naman pooooooo! (the “o” is stretched and does a roller coaster dip and rise) ALAM KO NA, MANOOONG! Di ba may mga portalet sa skyway construction site?? Tutal traffic, bababa lang ako for a while…
The poor Manong Bus Driver surrendered and when the girl caught sight of the portalet almost 500 meters away….
GIRL: Manong, now na. Buksan mo na ang pinto!
BUS DRIVER: Miss, hindi pwede. pag nasa tapat na tayo. Hindi naman masyadong traffic baka masagasaan kayo. Hindi pwede.
GIRL: kasi naman eh…(girl dabogs while boyfriend covers face in shame with his awful fedora)
Nung tumapat na sa portalet with the construction workers, Manong Bus Driver opened his window at nakipag-bolahan sa mga construction workers in behalf of the nagiinarteng gurlaloo. Finally, doors opened and girl dashes out (in slow motion with the theme from “Chariots of Fire” playing).
And the entire bus waited. For her. For a total of 20 minutes. While all the vehicles sped past by. On the 15-minute mark, a lot of the other passengers were agitated and actually shouting at the driver: “Lakad na! Iwan nyo na yan!”
Finally, GIRL appeared from the door (obviously refreshed). As she walked down the aisle (smugly, mind you), some of the passengers heckled and threw imaginary rotten tomatoes at her.
PASSENGER 1: Pa-importante!
GIRL: (making irap) I don’t care!
PASSENGER 2: Binili mo ba ang bus???
PASSENGER 3: Field trip mo ba ‘to?
GIRL: (silently glares)
And then came the bomb (pun intended)…
PASSENGER 4: Dapat nung nasa terminal ka, TUMAE KA NAAAA!!!
GIRL plops in her seat crying. BOYFRIEND buries his face in his God-foresaken fedora.
MORAL LESSON…well, refer to PASSENGER 4. (rolls on the floor laughing my ass off)