Unleashing the Bitch Within

“Sometimes, being a high-riding bitch is all that a woman can hang on to…” – Vera Donovan, Judy Parfitt’s character in Dolores Claiborne

“Hwat are beaches for but to beach around weeth fellow beaches.” – Jennifer Cortez in “Temptation Island”

I am a happy person. Everyone who knows me knows very well that I spend my day smiling and laughing. I can actually change the name of my blog to “Elle Woods is a Man”. Hence, when I feel negative feelings, I struggle a little bit for this is somewhat a rarely chartered territory for me. Although at times I consider myself as a diva, I am a good diva in many ways but when the situation calls for it, I unleash the bitch within. This is usually manifested with walkout lines that would give Cherie Gil a run for her money. Example:

Two weeks ago, the dormant bitch was awakened by this…THING that resembled a woman…I was on the last trip going home and I just came from meeting with husband and I was pretty tired. I sat at the back of the bus and decided to just pull down the armrest so that when someone sits beside me, I would not be squeezed into discomfort. Then comes this girl, strutting down the bus aisle and waving to her friends and saying hi with her loud mouth. I decided to put on some music to drown her out. She decided to sit on the seats across mine. She then saw this hunky guy who just boarded and called him which I think is record-breaking coz I still heard her even though Mariah Carey was screaming in my ears via her song, “Emotions”. Fine, let it slide, Jerome. The guy sat with the girl and then suddenly, she reached over and restored my arm rest. I thought for a moment. Maybe she’s OC. So, I pulled it down. The girl then just reached over and restored my arm rest, then returned to talking to her man. My face began to feel hot. Fine, let it slide. I just pulled down the armrest again. Then a few moments later, the girl notices the armrest and she decides to restore it once again. I lost it…

ME: May problema ba? (Is there a problem?)

GIRL: (rudely and somewhat squatter-esque) Bakit mo ba kasi binababa?

ME: Eh ano ba’ng pakialam mo? Hindi ka naman ditto nakaupo ah! Makialam ka kung ditto ka nakaupo.

GIRL: (shouts at me) Bakla!

ME: (laughs) Is that your best shot? Honey, that is not even remotely an insult…it is in fact the truth! I’ll give you a lesson on insulting someone, k? Here it goes: YOU ARE CHEAP. From your 20-peso headband to your ill-fitting blouse and khaki pants screaming 50-pesos. You are an obvious flirt with your fake laugh and your supposedly-subtle touching of that guy’s arm and leg. You have a loud mouth which makes you an inconsiderate bitch since this is public transportation, this is not your private car where you can laugh out loud like a horny hyena. Now THAT’S an INSULT. It is just so unfortunate that you do not even understand what I am saying. So, if you know what’s good for you, this is my space for the meantime. You have your own space. Go back to flirting to that guy. Who knows? He might find something in you that is worthy of his time.

GIRL: (about to say something…)

ME: No, dahlin’. Don’t. I would not have a problem making this journey one hell of a nasty ride for you. So, just zip it. (puts back earphones, Meredith Brooks’s “Bitch” blasting oh so proudly)

==============================================

I am torn about this when I go to this dark side of mine…

This entry was posted in Bridget Speaks, My Life, Personal. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Unleashing the Bitch Within

  1. duke says:

    hang taray!

    naintindihan kaya nya o kaw nagmukhang tanga dun dakdak nang dakdak.

    buwahahaha.

  2. mink says:

    oh my GOSH MAHIRAP ka palang inisin… hehehe, nakaka inis nga yung ganung tao kaso siguro i wont have the courage like yours na i confront sya.

    and keep smiling and laughing!

  3. jcdaclison says:

    @duke: talaga. baka gusto makatikim. lagi mo na lang ako inaasar, bro.

    @mink: pag kaya ko magpasensya, go lang. pero minsan, we have to put people in their place. and if it takes a bitch to do it, go rin!

  4. mink says:

    i have an mp3, if you want i can send it to you through email…😉

  5. Paeng says:

    Natatawa ako dun sa former boss na kuwento. hahaha

  6. dyimeno says:

    palakpak!!! palakpak!!!

    natawa talaga ako sa presyuhan ba ang damit? bwahahaha!

  7. Jennie says:

    Hi sistah! Reading this entry made me miss you so much! Tawa ako ng tawa ha…

    By the way, I’m finally back in the blogging world!😀

  8. jenn says:

    hi! been a while since i last dropped by. anyway, just wanted to say…panalo ka!

  9. Scheez says:

    Panalo ang pamemresyo ng damit. Hehehe =)

  10. Scheez says:

    Mrs. Darcy, pa-update din nga po pala nung link ko sa blogfriend mo – http://bonsaihunter.blogspot.com.

    Thanks ;>

  11. ate sienna says:

    syet ang galing mo!!!! leche, sana ako din ganyan! grabe, parang nakikita ko si chery gil habang binabasa ko yung dialogue mo. mwahahahah!!!

  12. dops says:

    hehehe…ngiga uy! grabe diay ka kung masuko sa? karon pako dire, og nagsigeg basa… pwede nya mki-exchange og link? ayoayo…

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