Sans Uterus – Bridget Jones’s Thoughts on Babies

A belated Merry Christmas to everyone!  Sorry if I have not uploaded the HOSTING STINT post.  I am still waiting for the pictures, dahlins.  Anyway, I hope everyone had a great christmas because I know I did. 🙂

I want to re-post this entry because I have been consumed with the thought of children.  God, I am in that stage already???  (wails)  This actually started when I attended a christening with husband, Jher.  It has been in my mind ever since.  Would it be nice to have a child in the house?  To hear the laughter of a child?  (sheds a tear)  Sheesh.  I am being a sappy, old gay man right now.  I guess I have come full circle with my perspectives on having a child.  Before October 2004, I was so excited with the thought of having my own child.  Then came the entry below.  Now I am back where I started.  Life is really amazing noh? (smiles) Anyway, enjoy!

 ======================================================

Sociopathy [also] Comes in Small Packages (October 23, 2004, Saturday) 

Children are like cherubs from heaven’s gates (cue angry buzzer). Not! On my way to the christening of Mabek’s son (she’s one of my best college friends), I encountered three children who were obviously spawns of the guardians of hell.

BLACK SCREEN
SUPERS: First Incident – Oct. 17, Sunday, 6:16 a.m.FADE IN

INT. TRITRAN BUS. DAY
Child number 1, who we shall refer to as Damien (from the OMEN series), was boisterously singing a medley of Otso-otso, Pamela Wan, Bulaklak, and Spaghetti Pababa all throughout my agonizing journey from Pacita to Magallanes-and Damien knows the concept of a LOOP. Damn! All I wished at the moment was for Harry Potter to wave his magic wand and make Damien vanish.

FADE TO BLACK
SUPERS: Second Incident – 7:28 a.m.FADE IN

INT. MRT CABOOSE. DAY
Damien 2 was a smart kid for his age. He was proudly reading out loud all signages and billboards that he could possibly see while rocking back and forth bumping on my left shoulder. I’m happy for his parents for producing a gifted child. However, I was mentally drafting a 4-page complaint letter to the makers of PROMIL all the way to Cubao station.

FADE TO BLACK
SUPERS: Third Incident – 9:24 a.m.FADE IN

INT. CUBAO-SAN MATEO FX. DAY
Damien 3 appeared to be a kid who wins “Best in Good Manners and Right Conduct” consistently in day care. I smiled at the mom and even gave her praise for her cute and adorable son wearing a red cap, a denim jumper/overall, and a yellow-and-red striped shirt. As I paid my fare, the driver asked me, “Saan bababa?”. I answered “Sa bayan po ng San Mateo. Pakibaba na lang po ako sa may JOLLIBEE.” To my horror, the angelic child seemed to have been possessed by a demon and screamed out loud and tugged at his mom’s hair, shouting, “MAMA, PUNTA TAYO NG JOLLIBEE. JOLLIBEE, JOLLIBEE, JOLLIBEE (chants more “JOLLIBEES” than I could ever stomach).” Damien 3’s mom said, “NO!” Damien 3 threw a fit by screaming, hitting his mom, and trying to tear his clothes apart. Poor mom decided to shove a huge chunk of chocolate cake from Goldilocks which they had with them (Maybe as a birthday gift–so middle-class. But that’s another blog.). As I watched Damien 3 devouring the chocolate cake of the masses, I had a vision: he’s the Chuckie doll from the movie “CHILD’S PLAY”. Kaya pala ganun ang suot nya.

FADE TO BLACK
SUPERS: San Mateo Church – 10:31 a.m.FADE IN

When I got to Jollibee-San Mateo, I thanked the Lord for terminating my anguish brought about by a serving of three hell boys. As I walked towards the church, I asked myself, “Why do I seem to have lost patience over children?” Before I could come up with a profound, witty, and positive analysis, I stepped in the church-it was filled with running kids and screaming babies……

(Cue haunting score from “Psycho”, ZOOM IN to over-the-top terrified reaction, let’s out a blood-curdling scream)

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11 Responses to Sans Uterus – Bridget Jones’s Thoughts on Babies

  1. Dinna says:

    Merry Christmas, Jerome.. and Happy New Year, too… don’t be jaded by those brats. You and Jher will make great parents if ever you decide to become parents one day — either together or individually. Happy holidays!

  2. Dylan Gozum says:

    *laughs hysterically*

    Was reading this at 3.44 AM at work. Funniness! It totally made my, uhm, dawn.

    So, have you decided to finally get a kid? (sounds like you\’re just buying one from the department store: \”Do you have a kid that comes in size 3s?\”)

  3. snglguy says:

    If I were you, I’d adopt someone who’s old enough to make a living. That way, may anak ka na, may taga-sustento pa…😀

  4. Bryan says:

    dunno about babies… i’ll stick with boys

    what the heck am i saying?

    anyway…happy holidays!!

  5. I don’t like children. I only like my nieces, my sis’ daughters. My cousins’ children I loathe.

    Housewife ako, di mother. Oh well, baka magbago pa ang plano sa akin ng tadhana.

    Maligayang Pasko sa iyo, Jerome. Happy new year too!

  6. K says:

    I suggest get a dozen of babies on New Years eve, scared them off until they cry out so loud – and you scream HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

    Cheers!

  7. tweenapay says:

    hahahahaha! Ü i can only imagine!

    kids… we all love them cutie li’l creatures! Ü now i miss my biiks in preskul even more.. hehe.

    happy nu year JC!

  8. redjeulle says:

    ngyahahaha!!! i have the same sentiment sometimes, when i see these kids na talagang ipapaampon mo kung anak mo lang. minsan gusto kong hawiin yung buhok sa bumbunan nila kung may nakaukit na 666. at…at…at…forgive me for saying this, hindi lahat ng babies ay cute. nakakita na ko, pramis.

  9. Lani says:

    Totoo ka diyan, kapag good boy ang anak ko (laluna noong maliit pa siya) tingin ko angel talaga pero kapag nagsasalbahe, nakupo nasasapian na ni Damien talaga at kasama pa si Chuckie Doll (hehehe).

    Sabi ko nga kay Jher, medyo wala sa vocabulary ko ang patience, hehehe.

  10. br0wn_c0w says:

    Yikes, I’m gonna be a foster mother soon. My girl best friend is giving birth next month hahahaha!

  11. toni says:

    Ikaw nalang maging baby! Baby ni Jher.😀

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