Bridget Jones’s Guide to Dissing Colleagues and Getting Drunk (while still being absolutely fabulous)

Thank you for the comments in the spider entry!  Very intellectually-stimulating.  Chos!  Hahahahahahaha!  If you have noticed, I was not able to post an entry because I was busy organizing our unit’s Christmas party and spearheading the group presentation for the company Christmas party.  Yup!  I played event organizer, director, assistant choreographer, spinner (so 80’s. ang age group. lol), and stand-up comedian/host.  Why such daunting tasks placed on my shoulders, you ask?  Because I am a multi-talented homosexual. Translation:  EKSENADORANG BAKLA.  Hahahahaha!  But I had a blast, my loves.  It’s going to be worth your wait, my dear friends, because I have amassed lots and lots of stories.  Starting with our unit’s Christmas party.  To save time, as our manager said, let’s “bulletize” (<-hahahaha) the events that transpired last Tuesday:

  • Christmas party started at exactly 7:00 p.m.  with dinner
  • Exchange gift after dinner.  The Chief-of-party of one of our projects suggested that we form a circle and that one should “say something about his/her monito/monita” before handing over the gift.  My reaction:  “Doc, prayer meeting ba ito?  Baka gusto mo magsindi pa ng kandila.” Everyone rolls in laughter.  Okrayin ko ba naman ang Chief-of-party?
  • Our Director was not able to buy a gift for her monito!  I took the mic from her and said, “sa barangay ka magpaliwag, leche.”  Everyone rolls in laughter.
  • Drinking commences at 8:00 p.m.!  There was enough booze to devastate a town!  10 cases of San Mig light and 2 liters of Jose Cuervo tequila gold.  Ugh!  I tell you, it was an alcoholic’s heaven. Hahahahaha!
  • Me taking my first two shots of tequila, off to the videoke and sang my signature song, “One in a Million You”, Regine’s “Shine” and Kylie Minogue’s “I Can’t Get You Out of My Head” to get things going.  Series of dance tunes that can be mostly heard playing in gay clubs followed…along with a series of tequila shots.
  • Time for audience participation!  All of my colleagues performed.  I had to share the spotlight.  You know?  Give people a taste of the limelight? Chos!  Hahahaha!  Our managers, doctors, and officers sang their song of choice…after getting dissed, of course.  Imagine me, balahurain ang Deputy Chief of Party, Regional Project Managers, and our unit Director.  Only Bridget Jones can get away with it, dahlin.
  • Flirting with Mikael, the hottie American expat who is also a staff of one of our projects, starts.  He was so gracious that he gave all the gay men and the girls (who are mostly gay. lol) the fantasy of taking a body shot! (everyone screams except me who remained calm and subdued and uninterested…*crickets chirp*)  Well, close to a body shot.  While doing my spiel, I said I needed another hit of tequila.  Mikael came over, handed me a shot glass and salt, and he sexily placed the lemon in my mouth!  Of course, (bedroom voice) I took it in like a real gay man.  (Hahahaha!  Ampangit pakinggan!)
  • 9:00 p.m., I’m a little tipsy (little?) but energy level still in the heavens.  Booze is gone.  One of the doctors bought another liter of tequila!  Everyone rejoices!  Especially me!
  • Second tequila came, a dare was posted.  Take 5 shots of tequila straight up!  Of course, I never backed out from a challenge (and free booze.  hahahaha).  My girl-friend took the challenge (mostly to impress Mikael.  Bitch.)
  • After a few minutes, colleagues were confused because I disappeared.  They found me in the men’s room, i was leaning over the sink, my head under running water.  I puked my guts out.
  • Gay friends and fag hag assisted me for 20 minutes.  I heard my other boss asking if I was alright, the Regional Project Manager (who I dissed earlier) laughing out loud (my karma), and our unit director (what’s she doing in the men’s room?) giving instructions to my gay friends.
  • I was undressed by Reno and his boyfriend, Ian (whose theme song is Manny Pacquiao’s “Para Sa Yo” but will is yet to be official on January 8, their chosen “official date” because eight signifies “infinity”.  Yes, I managed to think of that while I was partially conscious.  Still dissing eventhough terribly hammered??? hahahaha!  luv ya, Reno and Ian), fag hag, Nilda, and tranny Nyl rubbing me with a hot cloth.
  • 20 minutes under running water and puking my guts out, friends are beginning to get tired.  Reno was forcing me to stand up.  In true Bridget Jones fashion, while my head is dipped in the sink and under the faucet, I slowly raised my hand to him and bitchily said:  “Wait…”  Hahahahaha!
  • Finally, Reno and Ian literally carried me to the male dorm at the 2nd floor (thank God, we have a dorm!)
  • I woke up at 5:30 a.m. the next morning wearing a different shirt and a text message from husband:  NILDA TEXTED ME.  I ALREADY INFORMED TITA THAT YOU’RE DEAD DRUNK AND YOU’LL BE SPENDING THE NIGHT IN THE OFFICE.  AND BTW…I AM NOT AMUSED.  Me:  Uh-oh…
  • Went to the restroom and called “Ralph” (puked…sosyal di ba?  It’s the Western version of our “pagtawag ng uwak”)…three times, dahlins.  Yuck.
  • Called my mom and asked her if she could bring over some clothes (with specific instructions ha? lol) because I am hosting the company Christmas party.  Ganda di ba?
  • Mom finally came with my hosting clothes (which you will see in my next entry) all the way from Laguna.  I just love her…

God, I had so much fun!  It’s a shame my friends did not take pictures of me puking my guts out.  Fag hag said it crossed their minds but decided not to.  I said:  honey, if it was you who is laying on a pool of vomit…I will immediately get our Canon 5 megapixel camera and shoot you from all angles. (lets out an evil laugh)

Next entry:  MY HOSTING STINT…

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35 Responses to Bridget Jones’s Guide to Dissing Colleagues and Getting Drunk (while still being absolutely fabulous)

  1. curacha says:

    ohh, how i miss christmas parties! la kaseng ganyan dito sa company namin sa germany. puro kj tao dito, kaasar!!

  2. Dylan Gozum says:

    What a racket! Riot! Funniness!

  3. K says:

    Such a good life you have. At least you still looked being fabulosa. Merry Xmas Ms Bridget.

  4. wooof!

    i guess christmases are another of ’em reasons to be fabulous and to have fun

    lets all have a gay old time then…pun intended


  5. manilenya says:

    waaahhh I know the feeling mare, I was once drunk dito sa isang Bar sa Clark Quay, after a long time na hindi nakainom waaaaaahhhh I passed out buti na lang sa loob na ng rest room, I was supposed to help my friend na sumuka sa loob ng bar as in, tapos pagkadala namin sa kanya sa rest room wentuhan na hanggang di ko namamalayan ayun tinamaan na pala ako. We went home na alalay ako ng mga kasama ko di ko tuloy nakita yung mga tsekwang celebrity na nadaanan namin lol. Pero talo kita my photo ako habang nakahiga sa floor ng rest room lol anga mga ulanghiya kinuhanan ako at may tapang ako ng loob na ipost yun sa dati kong blog hehehehehe laban ka? lol
    merry christmas mare pwede ko ng ipost tong comment ko sa blog ko dahil sa haba 🙂 wab u wab u mare mwahh!!

  6. malaya says:

    That’s one hell of a party/drinking session! I bet u won’t 4get that X’mas party and a lot will remember how u “okray” ur boss. (hahaha!).
    Advance Merry X’mas!
    P.S. looking 4ward for ur hosting stint post

  7. Migs says:

    Pota, eksenadora nga!!! Go, Bridget, gooooo!

    So excited to see your pics, you in Haute Couture during your hosting stint! Choz!

  8. jcdaclison says:

    curacha: ay ganon? samantalang yung german expat dito, grabe kung maka-yugyog nung christmas party, mare! kailangan meron lang magpasimuno dyan. ito siguro ang misyon mo, kapatid… he he he he…

    merry christmas, mare!

  9. jcdaclison says:

    k: i agree, k, my dahlin…it is fabulous my life…and merry christmas to you too! hindi ka ba uuwi?

  10. jcdaclison says:

    bryan: trulash, sweetie. let us have a gay christmas! hugs and kisses. let’s link each other up, dahlin…

  11. jcdaclison says:

    manilenya: my god, i envy you, nalen! sana nga may picture akek. the closest i got was my high school friends videotaped me after passing out from an alcohol binge during our reunion. pinabayaan akong makatulog sa buhanginan sa beach! nagising ako kinabukasan na, bakla. dinadaan-daanan ako ng mga turista. when i watched the video, para akong tren kung maghilik! at nakasubsob ang mukha ko sa punyetang buhangin. the life we have, devah? wabyu wabyu too, mare!

  12. jcdaclison says:

    malaya: oh i think i did do a good job making okray everyone. everyone actually enjoyed it. and i am excited too with the next post. i’m just waiting for the other pics of which one of the doctors took them kasi. thanks for dropping by, sweetheart! hugs and kisses to you!

  13. jcdaclison says:

    migs: LOL. naku as i said to malaya, i am excited to post the next entry as well. i’m just waiting for the pics. hugs and kisses to you, dahlin…

  14. tweenapay says:

    “Ralph” haha, i like the term. 3x? ugh. it must be the “I Cant Get You Out of My Head…” hehe.

    i hopped in. naintriga ako kung sino yung tinutukoy ni atticus na takot sa spider. hehe. ako din eh, major hate ko sila. uy close, nagkwento? hehe.

    nways, happy kwismas. Ü

  15. jcdaclison says:

    tweenapay: grasshopper na nag-hop in? charing. lol. yes, ako nga ang eksenedorang bakla na takot sa spider na nagmumura lang pag malapit nang makipag-suntukan. what can i say? i am an oxymoron. hahahahaha!

    happy kwismas din, gurl…always drop by. lets exchange links, dahlin…

  16. Ibang klase ka. Ikaw na nga nag-organize, may lakas ka pa uminom. Di ko kaya ‘yan. Ilang beses na ako nangako sa mga alipores ko pagkatapos ng mga events na sasabak kami sa Gobyerno at Kama… Natutulugan ko lang sila.

    Maligayang Pasko sa iyo. 🙂

  17. snglguy says:

    Eskandalosa ka talaga, bro. 😀

    But come to think of it, you could start a new career as a professional host.

  18. Lani says:

    Wala kong masabi sa aking mahal na sistah, aba at talagang kinareer mo lahat pati ang pag-pu-puke, uhmm… parang pangit atang tingnan kapag binasa sa tagalog, hehehe.

    Anyways, happy holidays sa inyo at siempre good luck sa New Year. Galing talaga ng host na ito.

  19. atticus says:

    hehe. mag-imbita ka naman sa xmas party na ikaw ang host. gusto ko mapanood kita.

    i’ve been going to parties left and right i’ve learned how to handle my drink: two beer bottles and nurse the third one until kingdom come.

  20. jcdaclison says:

    housewife wannabee: ay, gurl. minsan lang uminom. libre paaaa! aba, gora na at tumungga kesehodang malango sa alak at mawalan ng poise. hahahaha! maligayang pasko rin, mare! mwah!

  21. jcdaclison says:

    snglguy: but still loveable, right? (cutely pouts at you) lol. professional hosting? haaay. would you hire as a host: a gay psychologist who has a deep knowledge about sex and relationships, who believes he is Bridget Jones, who can sing and dance very well, dresses fabulously, and can still be classy while being so crass??? (interstellar pause) hmmmmmm… (drums fingers while mentally drafting resignation letter) LOL

    merry christmas, bro! 🙂

  22. jcdaclison says:

    Lani: ate laaaaaans!!! merry christmas din! haaay naku. talagang kinareer ko lahat pati ang paglalasing. feeling ko tuloy ako si cherie gil habang ino-okray ko ang mga bruho’t bruha. grabe! pero enjoy lahat. ano luto mo for noche buena?

  23. jcdaclison says:

    atticus: aaaay!!! susmaryosep. baka ma-conscious akek. hahahaha! nahiya pa daw eh nai-blog na ang pagsusuka??? hahahaha! sureness, mare!

    as for the drinking, i always believed that when one drinks, the expected output is to get drunk. that’s why as much as possible, i organize drinking sessions at my house so that when i pass out, i am just a few feet from my own room. very profound philosophy on drinking, devah? hahahaha!

    luv ya, jj! hugs and kisses!

  24. snglguy says:

    Just dropped by to wish you and your hubs a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Easy on the drinks ha? Baka saan ka na naman magising…

  25. chase says:

    shit i so love the entry! But after all the fun a bold text message came…. well at least you have fun.


  26. Lyka Bergen says:

    Nangyari na rin yan sa akin yan dahling! Kakainis ano?

    Ano nagyari sa 80’s music ng lola habang nagsusuka sya?

    Anyway, Merry Christmas na lang za you ang Jher. Happy new year na rin!

  27. br0wn_c0w says:

    Ahahaha!! The joy of being drunk and passing out!

  28. tweenapay says:

    jc dear, i had to delete my blog. Ü for some pesky reason…argh. hehe. but doncha worry, i’ll come and visit. mwah! Ü

    putek, i just saw the pic of that horrendous spider!!! eeeeewwwww!!! ulk!!!


  29. jcdaclison says:

    snglguy: thanks, bro! i hope you had a wonderful christmas. oh my god! i saw nga pala the two dogs you featured? Sina bagwis and habagat? oh, they are so adorable! i-post ko yun… 🙂

  30. jcdaclison says:

    chas: you said it right, chas. i had the most wonderful time during our unit’s christmas party. hugs and kisses!

  31. jcdaclison says:

    lyka: merry christmas, mare! till next post, dahlin…

  32. jcdaclison says:

    brown cow: the joy indeed! naloka akek the next day, mare. abot-abot ang kantyaw ko. sabi nila, “hahahaha! gumapang si Jerome sa kalasingan” Syempre in true diva fashion, I said to them, “Excuse me…hindi ako gumapang. I…(pause)…was carried.” hahahahaha!

  33. jcdaclison says:

    tweenapay: ay bakit na-delete? tsk. anyway, merry christmas to you too, mare! hugs and kisses!

  34. toni says:

    i would love to attend a party with you as a host!!! bongga i’m sure!

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