I AM NOW IN LOVE…WITH A WOMAN

Yes, blogfriends.  The unthinkable has happened.  I am back batting for my team.  I am in love with a sensuous woman.  I am smitten and in a dreamy state with the sound of her name and her voice.  She pierces my heart and soul like a hot knife on butter with her words.  She has exposed herself to me and I just have to take her and fill me up with the juice that flows from her.  With one look in those eyes that evoke mystery, melancholy, strength, and hope…i feel like melting.  Her words caress my neck, as if her tongue is gently gliding from the back of my ear, stopping on the part of neck that beats and throbs in synchrony with the now wild beating of my heart, continuing to slide down my well-chiseled chest, further down to my belly-button, her tongue pausing to play with it, gently blowing into it making my body twitch while moans of ecstasy escape my mouth.  She goes further down to my hard…(cue audio:  LOUD CRASH AS DOOR OF MY BEDROOM BREAKS AND FLIES OPEN) 

To me and my woman’s surprise, it was husband, Jher, with Chas, The Queer Chef and his posse of Norwegian hunky gay men, and the Las Tres Estrellas–Lyka, Kelly, and Ecra, and their gang of fabulously dressed drag queens.

Jher:  (gasps and slowly backs to the wall while shaking head slowly and crying in disbelief, slides off the wall ala Lorna Tolentino)  Mga hayup kayo…. (sobs with mouth open)

Chas, Lyka, Kelly, Ecra, goes to husband giving him words of encouragement.  Kelly turns to me and my woman, my stained sheets covering our bodies up to our chest, backed against the headboard.

Kelly:  (yanks my woman off the bed and drags her by her hair)  punyeta kang babae ka, halika ditooooo!!!

I wanted to protect my woman but Chas’ posse of Norwegian hunky gay men restrained me on the bed while Kelly throws my woman to the Las Tres Estrellas’ gang of fabulously dressed drag queens.

Me:  Bitiwan nyo sya! (tries to squirm away from Chas’ posse of Norwegian hunky gay men)

Jher, Lyka, Ecra, and Chas approach the bed where I am naked and being restrained by the posse of hunky gay men.  Jher starts to cry and rests his shoulder on Lyka, while Ecra, Kelly, and Chas consoles him.

Jher:  There is no hope, girls.  He is in love with that woman.  Straight na sya. (sobs and wails)

Lyka:  There, there, Jher.  Uuuy it rhymes ha?  There is still hope.

Ecra:  Kurak.  Sa aking palagay, sinaniban lang si Bridget ng masamang espiritu…

Kelly:  What we need is to drive away the evil spirit…

Chas: (chides in)  ….with a Norwegian chant…

Me:  (like a wild animal) hindeeeee!!! Hindi ako nababaliiiiiwww!!!

Ecra:  (seryoso) Malala na sya.  (to the posse of Norwegian hunky gay men)  hold him down, boys…

While the Las Tres Estrellas held hands ala “Charmed”, Chas recited a Norwegian chant then pulled out a whip.  I squirmed, my eyes wide in fury like a savage.

Chas:  Evil spirit!  Leave this gay man’s body nooooowww! (whip cracks and lands my well-chiseled chest)

I let out a blood-curdling scream, the Las Tres Estrellas chant away with Chas while my body gets whipped.  Finally, as if a weight was lifted from my body, I took in one deep breath, then I lost consciousness….

Moments later, there was only darkness.  I can hear the bickering of what sounded like drag queens.  I asked myself, “drag queens???”  Then I slowly found light as I opened my eyes, my vision blurred at first but then I saw my husband, Chas-The Queer Chef, and the Las Tres Estrellas and their gang of fabulously dressed drag queens.

Jher:  (anxiously)  Is he back?

Chas:  Let’s see…

Lyka:  (asks me a question that only a gay man can answer) Who are Jeff Stryker and Matthew Rush?

I don’t answer…I can’t answer…my eyes are fixated…

Jher: (sobs and wails)  oh my god!  He’s got amnesiaaaaa!!! (Binatukan ni Kelly si Jher)

Kelly:  Gaga.  Sobrang soap opera.

Ecra:  Girls, Bridget Jones is back…

Chas:  How can you tell, my queen?

Ecra:  Tingnan nyo kung saan sya nakatingin (everyone follows my eye line)  it looks like he’s ready to pounce on Chas’ posse of Norwegian hunky gay men.

Kelly, Lyka, and Chas:  (in unison and points to my groin area)  eeeeeeeeee!!!  Jher come here and take a look!!!!

Jher jumps in glee as he sees me alive and kicking…or more applicably “throbbing” at the sight of Chas’ posse of Norwegian hunky gay men.  Husband hugs me and screams, “You are gay again!!!”  French kisses me…

Kelly:  O, paalisin nyo muna kami…

Jher: (stands and faces the Queer Chef and the Las Tres Estrellas)  How can I ever thank you, girls?

Chas, Lyka, Kelly, Ecra:  (in unison)  Party at “Big Papa” sa may
Pasay?

Jher:  Done! (group hug, girls leave with their posse of Norwegian hunky gay men and fabulously dressed drag queens)

Husband:  (plops beside me on the bed and asks me) It’s good to have you back, babe.  Pero, I would just like to ask….Sino ba kasi yung babaeng yun?

Me:  (faces the audience and speaks to you directly like in a Woody Allen film)  I am now in the Laura Nyro zone.  I downloaded her songs and I fell in love with her.  I hope you could check out her songs.  My mega-favorites are Stoned Soul Picnic, It’s Gonna Take A Miracle, You’ve Really Got A Hold on Me, Walk on By, and Crazy Love.  I heard her song when I watched “A Home at the End of the World”, Colin Farell’s controversial film where he wags his cock everywhere and kisses the guy every now and then.  The song just mesmerized me and I hounded husband to look mp3 files of her music.  Now I have 15 of her songs.  Laura Nyro started this…(drops to a whisper)  I have to get back to husband now.  Enjoy her songs, blogfriends!  You can also visit her at http://lauranyro.net.

END SCENE

Bwahahahahahahaha!  At least it’s a different way of recommending something.  I am so great…

Thanks to The Queer Chef and Las Tres Estrellas for their Emmy-winning guest appearance in this entry…

Thanks to http://lauranyro.net for the pictures.  To my dear Laura Nyro, you rock my world!

eli.jpg

miracle.jpg

This entry was posted in Bridget Recommends, Comedy. Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to I AM NOW IN LOVE…WITH A WOMAN

  1. OMG! Hahahaha this is so funny dear! This is a good idea for a short film! And thank you for making me part of the cast!

  2. redjeulle says:

    ang melodramatic ng recommendation mo bakla. busy ka pa rin?

  3. jher says:

    very cute my love. pero di ako ganyan ka drama. babarilin ko na lang kayo, walang tanong tanong. hahahahahahahahah!

  4. Toni says:

    Hahahahaha ang galing mo Bridget!!! Nakuha mo talaga ttention namin. Beautiful!!!😀 Mag-scriptwriter ka nga, mas maganda pa yang script mo sa mga pinapalabas sa TV.

  5. noy says:

    kamusta? miss ko na kayo ni jher. still remember me? anywayz ganda nito ha.. sabi ni annabanana basahin ko raw ito e. pwede ka sumulat ng play… i believe u should start one…

  6. Jennie says:

    Haha! That is so funny!😀

  7. jher says:

    Hoy noy kamusta ka na?

  8. Joy says:

    ha ha haaaaa goodness, you made my day!! Thanks for the good laugh!

    I’ll go see Laura Nyro’s site in a lil while.

    Oist, i’ll link you up ha para di na ako mahirapang hanapin ka.

    P.S. Oo ngaaaaa, nandoon ka nga sa video. Very cuuuute!

  9. Lani says:

    Naisip ko kanina noong binabasa ko iyong unang part, mabuti buhay at nakapag-blog pa itong sistah ko, dahil sigurado ako kung totoo ito malamig pa ito sa kulig ngayon sa galit ni Jher.

    Bigla akong naintriga diyan kay Laura na iyan ha. Puntahan ko nga siya.

  10. ate sienna says:

    ay… happened to bloghop and landed here. ang galing naman ng entry mo, kakaloka!!! isasama kita sa links ko para mabisita pa kita ulit.

  11. Dinna says:

    BRAVO!!! You almost got me there but I held my breath to the end at malabo yatang after all this declaration of love to your hubby, biglang nagtaksil ka at naging lalake pa! You always get me, Jerome! (((MWAH! ))))

  12. annabanana says:

    jerome,
    hay, i tried to call you and give my praises via telepono, kaso di mo naman sinagot…anywhooz..ang galeng ng blog! naunahan pa ako ni noy na mag post ng comment..umeeksena ang dakilang driver natin! jerome, miss you na talaga! muah to you and darling jher!

  13. K says:

    You Guys! Sadly, di ko ata nainitindihan.😦

  14. Lyka Bergen says:

    Starring pala aketch ditetch! Bongga ang role ng Lyka! Pero why na mas malandi ang mga lines ni Kelly? Tse!

    When ba ang Emmy’s? I have to go visit na Ivarluski Aseron for my gown. Or Monique Lhuillier na lang kaya para di na ako fly dyan sa Pinas?

    Thanks Bridget ha, for the exposure. Ching!

    Di mo lang alam na pinagsamantalahan naming Las Tres Estrellas ang husband Jher mo sa prequel ng short film mo? Di mo knowing? Ask mo ang Jher, enjoy na enjoy nga eh!

    Visited Jher’s blog pala. Drama ang video mo. Swerte ka day! Malandi ka! Happy Anniversary.

  15. bananas says:

    Ang taray kapatid. Galing.

  16. bananas says:

    at naiyak ako don sa ginawa ng iyong jher. ang sweet talaga. wish ko na tumagal pa lalo…may the force be with u neng.

    Ikaw na teh!

  17. ladybug says:

    Hahaha! Very riveting post. Muntik na akong maniwala…hahahaha. Galing mo pala mag-kwento.🙂 Anyway, visited the blog of your hubby and found out it’s your anniversary. Happy 22nd! Here’s to a million more 22nd! *toast!*

  18. atticus says:

    akala ko true. akala ko nagkabalikan kayo noong girl sa post mo noon. sige na nga, makilala nga iyang laura nyro na iyan.

    tingin mo, iiyak lang si jher kapag totoo iyong first part? di kaya mag-ala terminator ang husband mo?

  19. Pingback: In Davao - But I Left My Heart in Manila « Bridget Jones Is A Man… and I am Her

  20. karol says:

    hahaha! you got me there! this post was hilarious.🙂 natuwa talaga ako. at least nakalimutan ang fafa problems for awhile! thanks bridget!!!

  21. KELLY CARSON says:

    WINNER! AH? HAHAHAHA!

    This entry is aboslutely hilarious! At syempre bilib ako sa performance ko dun. Ang ganda pala ng kilay ko. Wala lang, imagine ko lang.

    Very funny ang script. Talented ang bruha. Syempre hindi ako naiinggit. Mayaman naman ako eh. Hahahaha.

    Love yeah!

  22. jase says:

    Ang galing galing naman! Hope to read more of these kind of creative posts – I can totally relate. Talagang kindred spirits tayo!!!

  23. Anuba! Funny to the haha itech! Sino kaya sa cast ang best in talent?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s