Yes, blogfriends. The unthinkable has happened. I am back batting for my team. I am in love with a sensuous woman. I am smitten and in a dreamy state with the sound of her name and her voice. She pierces my heart and soul like a hot knife on butter with her words. She has exposed herself to me and I just have to take her and fill me up with the juice that flows from her. With one look in those eyes that evoke mystery, melancholy, strength, and hope…i feel like melting. Her words caress my neck, as if her tongue is gently gliding from the back of my ear, stopping on the part of neck that beats and throbs in synchrony with the now wild beating of my heart, continuing to slide down my well-chiseled chest, further down to my belly-button, her tongue pausing to play with it, gently blowing into it making my body twitch while moans of ecstasy escape my mouth. She goes further down to my hard…(cue audio: LOUD CRASH AS DOOR OF MY BEDROOM BREAKS AND FLIES OPEN)
To me and my woman’s surprise, it was husband, Jher, with Chas, The Queer Chef and his posse of Norwegian hunky gay men, and the Las Tres Estrellas–Lyka, Kelly, and Ecra, and their gang of fabulously dressed drag queens.
Jher: (gasps and slowly backs to the wall while shaking head slowly and crying in disbelief, slides off the wall ala Lorna Tolentino) Mga hayup kayo…. (sobs with mouth open)
Chas, Lyka, Kelly, Ecra, goes to husband giving him words of encouragement. Kelly turns to me and my woman, my stained sheets covering our bodies up to our chest, backed against the headboard.
Kelly: (yanks my woman off the bed and drags her by her hair) punyeta kang babae ka, halika ditooooo!!!
I wanted to protect my woman but Chas’ posse of Norwegian hunky gay men restrained me on the bed while Kelly throws my woman to the Las Tres Estrellas’ gang of fabulously dressed drag queens.
Me: Bitiwan nyo sya! (tries to squirm away from Chas’ posse of Norwegian hunky gay men)
Jher, Lyka, Ecra, and Chas approach the bed where I am naked and being restrained by the posse of hunky gay men. Jher starts to cry and rests his shoulder on Lyka, while Ecra, Kelly, and Chas consoles him.
Jher: There is no hope, girls. He is in love with that woman. Straight na sya. (sobs and wails)
Lyka: There, there, Jher. Uuuy it rhymes ha? There is still hope.
Ecra: Kurak. Sa aking palagay, sinaniban lang si Bridget ng masamang espiritu…
Kelly: What we need is to drive away the evil spirit…
Chas: (chides in) ….with a Norwegian chant…
Me: (like a wild animal) hindeeeee!!! Hindi ako nababaliiiiiwww!!!
Ecra: (seryoso) Malala na sya. (to the posse of Norwegian hunky gay men) hold him down, boys…
While the Las Tres Estrellas held hands ala “Charmed”, Chas recited a Norwegian chant then pulled out a whip. I squirmed, my eyes wide in fury like a savage.
Chas: Evil spirit! Leave this gay man’s body nooooowww! (whip cracks and lands my well-chiseled chest)
I let out a blood-curdling scream, the Las Tres Estrellas chant away with Chas while my body gets whipped. Finally, as if a weight was lifted from my body, I took in one deep breath, then I lost consciousness….
Moments later, there was only darkness. I can hear the bickering of what sounded like drag queens. I asked myself, “drag queens???” Then I slowly found light as I opened my eyes, my vision blurred at first but then I saw my husband, Chas-The Queer Chef, and the Las Tres Estrellas and their gang of fabulously dressed drag queens.
Jher: (anxiously) Is he back?
Chas: Let’s see…
Lyka: (asks me a question that only a gay man can answer) Who are Jeff Stryker and Matthew Rush?
I don’t answer…I can’t answer…my eyes are fixated…
Jher: (sobs and wails) oh my god! He’s got amnesiaaaaa!!! (Binatukan ni Kelly si Jher)
Kelly: Gaga. Sobrang soap opera.
Ecra: Girls, Bridget Jones is back…
Chas: How can you tell, my queen?
Ecra: Tingnan nyo kung saan sya nakatingin (everyone follows my eye line) it looks like he’s ready to pounce on Chas’ posse of Norwegian hunky gay men.
Kelly, Lyka, and Chas: (in unison and points to my groin area) eeeeeeeeee!!! Jher come here and take a look!!!!
Jher jumps in glee as he sees me alive and kicking…or more applicably “throbbing” at the sight of Chas’ posse of Norwegian hunky gay men. Husband hugs me and screams, “You are gay again!!!” French kisses me…
Kelly: O, paalisin nyo muna kami…
Jher: (stands and faces the Queer Chef and the Las Tres Estrellas) How can I ever thank you, girls?
Chas, Lyka, Kelly, Ecra: (in unison) Party at “Big Papa” sa may
Jher: Done! (group hug, girls leave with their posse of Norwegian hunky gay men and fabulously dressed drag queens)
Husband: (plops beside me on the bed and asks me) It’s good to have you back, babe. Pero, I would just like to ask….Sino ba kasi yung babaeng yun?
Me: (faces the audience and speaks to you directly like in a Woody Allen film) I am now in the Laura Nyro zone. I downloaded her songs and I fell in love with her. I hope you could check out her songs. My mega-favorites are Stoned Soul Picnic, It’s Gonna Take A Miracle, You’ve Really Got A Hold on Me, Walk on By, and Crazy Love. I heard her song when I watched “A Home at the End of the World”, Colin Farell’s controversial film where he wags his cock everywhere and kisses the guy every now and then. The song just mesmerized me and I hounded husband to look mp3 files of her music. Now I have 15 of her songs. Laura Nyro started this…(drops to a whisper) I have to get back to husband now. Enjoy her songs, blogfriends! You can also visit her at http://lauranyro.net.
Bwahahahahahahaha! At least it’s a different way of recommending something. I am so great…
Thanks to The Queer Chef and Las Tres Estrellas for their Emmy-winning guest appearance in this entry…
Thanks to http://lauranyro.net for the pictures. To my dear Laura Nyro, you rock my world!