Rapunzel – A Fairy Tale (?)

Hello, blog friends!  Allow me first to thank all of you for your comments in my “Lake House” and “Tragedy of My Father’s Death” entries.  It is a privilege to move you to laughter and tears with my adventures and misadventures. (blows butterfly kisses to all)Okay.  I still owe Gari of “Bangketa Republique” and Melai of “Manilenya” the continuation of the “dyosa” sotry (notice that I do not know how to convert them to links so that you will just click on them.  where’s husband when I need him? Sniff.)  Well, I’m sort of going to pass on that since Melai said it is on its 9th chapter.  But I will treat you all to something even better.  So, to Gari and Melai, and in homage to another blogfriend and lord of non-fiction, Ade of “Noisy, Noisy Man” (who constantly inspires me to follow his path), and to all of you whom I love, here’s my take of the great fairy tale, Rapunzel.  I bring you…Rapunzel….(lights out, curtains rise, orchestra plays overture) rapoonsel tawer ======================================================== Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away lives a handsome prince named, Prince Jim.  He is joined in a castle with his father and mother, King John and Queen Jinny.  Prince Jim enjoys a life of affluence, with ladies-in-waiting to bathe him and squires and soldiers to protect him.  He has a rare collection of 18th century books which he had read and things that would entertain and enrich his knowledge and make him happy.  But somehow for the past few days, King John and Queen Jinny have been noticing how sad and lonely Prince Jim was.  One night at dinner, King John asked Prince Jim, “My son, what is troubling you?  Your mother and I are worried.”  Prince Jim looks at his father, for a moment was about to say something, and finally said, “I’m sorry, father, I can’t talk to you.  May I be excused…”  Without waiting for permission, Prince Jim leaves the table.  King John was about to follow his son when Queen Jinny said, “I’ll talk to our boy…”  She leaves the table.Queen Jinny found his son leaning on the balcony and staring at the starlit sky.  She puts her hand on her son’s face, “What is the matter, my love?”  Prince Jim faced his mother and said with tears welling in his eyes, “Mother, I am longing for true love.  It has been quite a while since I had a woman by my side.  The last one was Princess Jasmine of the Kingdom of Junisia.  I am lonely.”  Queen Jinny hugged her son and rested his head on her bosom, and while stroking his hair she said, “There, there, my child.  Do not worry.  You will find that someone soon.  I promise you.”The afternoon of the next day, Prince Jim decided to take a stroll on his white steed to take his mind off from his preoccupation to find true love.  He took in the breeze that carried the smell of freshly cut grass, savored the sight of dandelions and daffodils and marveled at the sound of birds flying on a bright, sunny day.  He did not notice that he has gone farther as he thought.  He was about to turn back when he saw this tower almost 3 miles away.  He said, “I don’t remember seeing that tower before.”  Engulfed in curiosity, he galloped towards the tower.  Reaching the foot of the tower, he dismounted his white steed and inspected the structure.  It was 30 feet high, and to his surprise, it did not have any entry way nor any window at the bottom of the tower.  “How does one get in and out of this tower?”, he asked.  He looks up and he sees an open window at the top of the tower.  He suddenly exclaimed, “Could it be?”, he paces in excitement, “Could this be the tower of the legendary Rapunzel with her long, braided golden hair?”  He looks up at the window. Finally, he decided, “I must meet her.  She might be the love of my life.”  He muster his strength and finally shouted, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel…let down your golden hair!”  Prince Jim waited, the sound of the wind blowing and birds chirping and his heart beating the only sound to hear.  He was about to shout again when something was thrown out of the window…it was a long rope with its end landing at Prince Jim’s foot.  The prince was confused for a moment then said to himself, “Maybe the legend of Rapunzel having long hair is not true after all.”  He gives the rope a tug to make sure that it can hold his weight.  He starts climbing up the tower skillfully maneuvering his way up the rope.  When he reached the window sill, he hoisted himself up and jumps into the room.  Safely inside, he looks around and sees lots of lit candles, a vanity, flowers, a four-post bed with a canopy, and…lo and behold… ….there leaning on the bedpost was a man wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and boots and his sweaty, lean, muscular body, and rock-hard manhood.  The man adjusts the brim of his hat with his forefinger, and looks at the stunned Prince Jim and said in a drawling,Texas accent, “Howdy, partner?  My name is Jack Twist…” he spits tobacco on the side, “De ya want me to take you on a rahhhd (ride)?”  The Prince was aghast and shrieked, “This is disgusting.  I am not a homosexual, thank you.  And where is Rapunzel?”  Jack Twist slowly walked toward him while stroking his chest, seducing the young prince.  “You got the wrong tower, buddy…”, Jack said and stopped in front of Prince Jim, their bodies just inches apart (eight to be exact, winks at all of you. LOL), “I know yo wanna rahhd me too, pardner”  The prince suddenly said, “Oh well, okay then”  (orchestra plays theme from Paul Newman’s movie, “The Sting”) He lunged at the cowboy and kissed him hard like a ravenous lion pouncing on his prey.  Jack twist yelled, “Yihaaa!”, while ripping off the prince’s clothes.  The birds chirped gaily and the prince’s white steed galloped and pranced around the tower as the sound of manly grunts and groans filled the air…and 3 hours later (yup, it was thaaat long), five yes-es each from Jack Twist and Prince Jim followed by a long moan signifying the climactic end of a hot, hard, sweaty encounter. A few minutes later, still naked, Prince Jim got out of bed and picked up his clothes to get dressed.  Jack, wiping his chest with the pillow case turns to the Prince and sweetly asked him in his Texas accent, “Will ah ever see ya uhgen, cowboy?”  The prince, standing by the window in his long johns, the moon shining on his half-nakedness, said to Jack, “I am sorry, Jack.  But I think I’m NOT gay.  Bisexual, maybe…you know.”  Jack sat up and said, “But ah thought you enjowyed it.  You looked like you enjowyed it.  Hell, my ass said you enjowyed it.”  Prince Jim pauses, looks at Jack, then finally said, “I’m sorry…”, he grabs the rope and was about to climb out of the window when Jack called him and said, “Its alright, pardner.  No matter wuht happens…we will always have…(tosses him a complimentary matchbook)… BROKEBACK TOWER…”Prince Jim climbs out the tower, mounted his horse (got another hard-on from the thought of again “mounting” something) and galloped to the sunset… THE END ================================================================= Now that’s what you call a FAIRY tale.  (rolls in laughter)  Hey, duke!  Don’t you dare look for towers their in Texas…pardner!  Yihaaa! Note:  For those who got offended or grossed out?  Well…(very long pause) …yun lang. Well.

This entry was posted in Comedy, Personal. Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Rapunzel – A Fairy Tale (?)

  1. I really had a laugh with this. Did you write this? So great huh! Very nice!

  2. snglguy says:

    Hehe, it IS indeed a FAIRY tale, or tail. Mwehehehe. 😀

  3. atticus says:

    ganda ng kuwento. hehe. gawin natin na “rapunzel:hindi ito bastos” ang title.

  4. bari says:

    very funny, J! I think I heard of this one when I was sick…..

  5. duke says:

    i will stay away from towers!

    oh wait, sheesh, the main buildings i work in are called the Sealy Towers!

  6. jcdaclison says:

    chas – yup! i wrote it, dahlin! i had a blast writing this. i was laughing out loud while writing it.

    snglguy – amen to that, bro. mwahahahaha!

    atticus – kurak ka jan, mare. its not bastos actually. its art…charos.

    bari – see how it evolved into comic soft porn? hahahaha!

    duke – (shouts with dramatic flair) stay, away, from the towers, soldier! you are probably the only cute single straight guy with dimples i will ever know! so don’t you goin to no towers now, you hear? i dont want you battin’ for the other team somewhere in the near future k? women need quality straight men (and you have the talent to work through vaginas with or without a speculum. you are so gonna be popular everywhere. hahahaha!…

  7. jher says:

    gross naman this story! lol. charot! syempre nag enjoy ako dito. specially the pillow case part. hahahahaha! 😉

  8. ice says:

    nakkks naman baka pwede me sali jan… nice one

  9. K says:

    Kala ko “ang mahiwagang baul” ang binabasa ko. Yung pala mahiwagang malaking matigas na mahaba na may cowboy accent.

    FOOK PACK FOUNTAIN (in chinese accent) lang pala! BASTUS! lol.

  10. jher says:

    ice sali saan?

  11. ice says:

    sali sa rapunzel… hehehehe

    anyways tnx for drooping by sa blog ko..

    i will link you up too.

  12. ice says:

    tol nga pala its Simple thoughts not ice update mo naman.. thnx bro

  13. jcdaclison says:

    jher – ganon? bastos pala. at jaworski pa ito.

    k – hahahaha! ang kyut di ba? ako mismo, super tawa nang tawa nung ginagawa ko ito. haaay.

    ice – o ayan updated na ang blogroll ko. kasali ka na talaga di ba? tnx, man!

  14. Dylan Gozum says:

    Nakakapanigas ng…leeg ang kwentong ito.

    Mahalay, sobra. Malamang hindi ito ikakatuwa ni Laguardia.

    Puede na ito ihanay sa mga kwentong “COCKadoodledoo”, “BangCOCK Dangerous” at LOTR (Lord of the Rim). 🙂

  15. Pingback: Calm Before The Storm » Blog Archive » TV Freedom

  16. jcdaclison says:

    dylan – i don’t care. this is just soft porn. hahahahaha!

    jher – aaaaw, shucks. babe, why not make a comment on how media twists (jack? hehehe) and spins categorizations…you know, them pushing the line dividing what is and is not.

  17. Lani says:

    “But somehow for the past few days, King John and Queen Jinny have been noticing how sad and lonely Prince Jack is.” Jerome, bigla akong naguluhan dito, nawala si Prince Jim biglang naging si Jack 🙂

    Uhhmmmmm,,, napansin ko ang names dito ay nagsisimula sa J. Esip-esip ako, why kaya? May kinalaman kaya sa JOB o sa JEROME? Alam mo na kung anong job iyon, pero di bastos iyon ha.

    Baka ma-suspend ang blog mo ni Laguardia katulad ng nangyari sa I-Witness. Ang kabastusan nasa isip ng nanonood at nagbabasa e tayo naman mga malilinis ang isip kaya kesehoda sila (charos).

  18. lani – kurak ka jan. kasi nung una, Prince Jack ang naisip ko. tapos pinalitan ko na lang ng Jim para mas neutral as opposed to jack medyo may sexual undertone. hehehehe. as far as laguardia is concerned, ewan ko sa kanya. malinis naman ang mga utak natin di ba? sya lang ang madumi. this is entertainment. tawa nga nang tawa ang lahat. hahahaha!

  19. Dinna says:

    Applause from New York! This is one hell of a piece, Bridget.. bow.. Had a good laugh and enjoyed reading it. MORE PLEASE!

  20. jcdaclison says:

    dinna – (ala Diane Wiest in her academy award winning performance in “Bullets Over Broadway”) don’t speak…(puts hand on your mouth)… don’t speak (once again)…no! don’t speak…” (rolls in laughter)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s