When i first discovered blogging, I thought: “This is so like the ending of Doogie Howser, M.D.!” Right? At the end of every episode, Doogie writes an entry in his electronic journal and sums up his day, mostly about his insights, learnings, and realizations. Blogging for me was exactly like that…and more of course. It has become an outlet for creative release. But now…something changed. (cue change in musical score from sweet to haunting to chilling and eerie)
I always had the perception that my blogspot is my own pseudo-private space in cyberspace. It has served as a home to my thoughts and insights almost about everything under the sun. But now, after being advised that there’s this thing called a “counter” to monitor “hits” to my blogspot, and that its “better” and “nice” to know how many and who visits my blogspot (god, I just had a nosebleed with the tech terms), I find myself always checking it. Now, I seem to be bothered about the number which is supposed to reflect my readership. Especially when I have been registered in the “Pinoy Top Blogs” where I discovered that there exists a ranking system of the most popular and, I guess, most visited pinoy blogs. Then techie boyfriend said, “this is what you should do to increase your readership rate: update your blog more often, go blog-hopping and leave comments on other blogspots and leave your url, and advertise.” Did those three things and I guess my readership is not really building compared to others that have thousands of hits and that of techie boyfriend’s who’s readership rate is faster than a speeding bullet. What do I have to do? I was gradually becoming frustrated….but then…
…I said to myself, “okay, now you allowed your self to be human and be irrational. Stop for a moment, and go back to why you started blogging.” I suddenly realized: I FORGOT THAT MY BLOGSPOT IS ABOUT SATISFYING MYSELF and other blogspots are about whatever its owners want them to be. Mine is about creating a nice home for my thoughts. My sanctuary. I guess I was so caught up in the supposed-popularity-determined-by-the-hit-counter-thingy that I forgot the meaningful, sincere comments I got from those who REGULARLY take time to read, digest, and appreciate my stuff and not just make a “hit” at my blogspot. Over and above the comments posted in my blogspot, it is also about the emails I got saying, “Your blog about hickeys was hilarious” or “being desperate is not a bad thing” or “you made me laugh” or “you made me think”–I forgot about these precious moments of genuine appreciation. That by just expressing myself, I had affected people…not by inviting people and letting them in…but just by leaving my door open.
I’m happy I regained my true blogging purpose. I’m just so amazed that I still manage to surprise myself. That I am still, and will always be human, that I still get affected by…well…things 🙂
P.S. I suddenly missed the TV show (who could forget his best friend, Vinnie)