A Born-Again Virgin

Uh-huh. I’m doing something stupidly brave today. I want to know the feeling of exposing myself out there by making an announcement. I shall risk humiliation but I am doing this for all men and women in my situation. (cue grand musical score used in scenes where someone delivers a cheesy, inspirational monologue) To all the people who have been unfortunate to experience the epicurean pleasures of life. Not be alive by devouring the worldly passions life can offer. So, to all my brothers and sisters who are in agony brought about by the hunger for fleshly gratification, I raise my fist by saying “no more!” to being a born-again virgin and just lay it out there: I am Jerome Daclison and I haven’t had sex in 16 months. (cue record scratch and gasps of horror)

Being a born again virgin is not the same as being a born again Christian that’s one thing for sure. But there’s something so spiritual about being a born again virgin. It forces you to go back to your spirit and say to yourself, “What the hell is wrong with myself and I can’t even get laid???” Hahahahaha! Yes! That was the ultimate failed spin! Oh dear! I hope I’d get laid soon because I am really going out of my head—both of them! So, to whoever is interested, drop me a line and I’ll take the bait. As long as you are honest and willing to subject yourself to a series of background questions and you are funny, witty, smart, and naughty, I am your willing subject—an offering to the altar of the gods. (I can even don an ethereal white toga just like how cults do it when they offer virgins. Do the gods accept born-again virgins? Now that’s a question to ponder on. Hahaha!)

Here’s to looking forward to returning to a state of devirginization…

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