Children are like cherubs from heaven’s gates (cue angry buzzer). Not! On my way to the christening of Mabek’s son (she’s one of my best college friends), I encountered three children who were obviously spawns of the guardians of hell.
SUPERS: First Incident – Oct. 17, Sunday, 6:16 a.m.FADE IN
INT. TRITRAN BUS. DAY
Child number 1, who we shall refer to as Damien (from the OMEN series), was boisterously singing a medley of Otso-otso, Pamela Wan, Bulaklak, and Spaghetti Pababa all throughout my agonizing journey from Pacita to Magallanes-and Damien knows the concept of a LOOP. Damn! All I wished at the moment was for Harry Potter to wave his magic wand and make Damien vanish.
FADE TO BLACK
SUPERS: Second Incident – 7:28 a.m.FADE IN
INT. MRT CABOOSE. DAY
Damien 2 was a smart kid for his age. He was proudly reading out loud all signages and billboards that he could possibly see while rocking back and forth bumping on my left shoulder. I’m happy for his parents for producing a gifted child. However, I was mentally drafting a 4-page complaint letter to the makers of PROMIL all the way to Cubao station.
FADE TO BLACK
SUPERS: Third Incident – 9:24 a.m.FADE IN
INT. CUBAO-SAN MATEO FX. DAY
Damien 3 appeared to be a kid who wins “Best in Good Manners and Right Conduct” consistently in day care. I smiled at the mom and even gave her praise for her cute and adorable son wearing a red cap, a denim jumper/overall, and a yellow-and-red striped shirt. As I paid my fare, the driver asked me, “Saan bababa?”. I answered “Sa bayan po ng San Mateo. Pakibaba na lang po ako sa may JOLLIBEE.” To my horror, the angelic child seemed to have been possessed by a demon and screamed out loud and tugged at his mom’s hair, shouting, “MAMA, PUNTA TAYO NG JOLLIBEE. JOLLIBEE, JOLLIBEE, JOLLIBEE (chants more “JOLLIBEES” than I could ever stomach).” Damien 3’s mom said, “NO!” Damien 3 threw a fit by screaming, hitting his mom, and trying to tear his clothes apart. Poor mom decided to shove a huge chunk of chocolate cake from Goldilocks which they had with them (Maybe as a birthday gift–so middle-class. But that’s another blog.). As I watched Damien 3 devouring the chocolate cake of the masses, I had a vision: he’s the Chuckie doll from the movie “CHILD’S PLAY”. Kaya pala ganun ang suot nya.
FADE TO BLACK
SUPERS: San Mateo Church – 10:31 a.m.FADE IN
When I got to Jollibee-San Mateo, I thanked the Lord for terminating my anguish brought about by a serving of three hell boys. As I walked towards the church, I asked myself, “Why do I seem to have lost patience over children?” Before I could come up with a profound, witty, and positive analysis, I stepped in the church-it was filled with running kids and screaming babies……
(Cue haunting score from “Psycho”, ZOOM IN to over-the-top terrified reaction, let’s out a blood-curdling scream)