The thing about being under the influence of alcohol is that we become uninhibited. In some situations, this can be a good or bad thing. But for some reason, last night’s date with alcohol was different. My friend and I have reached 80% of our maximum threshold and we were talking about relationships—him being in one and me with a lack thereof. Drunken conversation sort of bordered on intoxicated jokes and banter but when the word “desperate” came out to describe my voracious dating, it threw me off and even under the influence, I still managed (for a moment) to evaluate the validity of the usage of the Adjective….. after (semi-)consciously responding with an on-cue half-laugh of course. As I took my 20-minute long walk home, the alcohol starts to kick in but it gave me plenty of time to ponder on the question: “Am I desperate?” It brought back memories of some of my dates who gave me the “let’s be friends” line and later were candid enough to let the Adjective politely slip out. Somewhere in the middle of puking my guts out, being chased by that same psycho-dog Benjie, and almost being run over by a dilapidated tricycle, I saw a window of clarity that pushed me to organize my thoughts about the question at hand. (Yes, it is a talent which I constantly place under SPECIAL SKILLS in my resume: Ability to be scientific even under the influence of cognition-altering substances)
DESPERATE adj, 1. Reckless or violent because of despair 2. Undertaken as a last resort 3. Nearly hopeless; critical; grave; a desperate illness 3. Marked by, arising from, or showing despair; the desperate look of hunger 4. In an unbearable situation because of need or anxiety; desperate for recognition 5. Extreme because of fear, danger, or suffering; in desperate need.
Etymologically (such a big word for someone who’s “tipsy”—tipsy daw oh!), the usage of the word to describe me was not precise. I have never been reckless or violent of despair, never felt hopeless, never viewed my non-existent lovelife as critical or grave to the point of it being an unbearable situation. Why does wanting something badly enough be viewed as an act of desperation? I call it being motivated and aggressive with a dash of stubbornness because when I want something, I make sure I give a thousand percent to achieve it before I raise the white flag. That way, I don’t go down that “what-might-have-been” road sulking and singing “Saan Ako Nagkamali”. However, by standards of a handful of judgmental and high-riding bastards and bitches, my voracious dating gives the impression of being desperate because I come across as, and I quote them ex-dates/now-“friends”, “needy, clinging, obsessive, disarming, and stalker-like.” Well, I say that it’s about looking at an investment if it has potentials or none at all. Imagine yourself putting in your money in a boutique to open at Rockwell plant which will sell authentic clothes circa 1984—padded shirts and jackets in primary and secondary colors and acid-washed baston jeans. (cue gasps of disgust from audience) My point exactly. But if I will be required to put up a large sum of money that would give me a return of investment in a reasonable period of time plus profits, the next thing I look for is my potential investment partner. Is s/he willing to invest too? What can s/he offer and bring to the table? (cue camera 2, pan shot on obligatory, sincere, and insincere nodding of audience) My point exactly.
Never desperate, just motivated…..
Okay it’s now time to sing. And a-one, and a-two, and a-three: “You say poteyto, I say po-ta-to. You say tomeyto, I say to-ma-to. Poteyto, po-ta-to, tomeyto, to-ma-to. Let’s call the whole thing off…..”